The emotional ones I mean….I can go from having such a great day, and then boom!….something just triggers in me and makes me get so gloomy…why??? I really can’t stand questioning my feelings, it makes me feel a bit wacko talking to myself lol…
I think it has started since I was on vacation and I saw a fortune-teller who told me many things, which where true…and she told me that although I may act happy and tell everyone I was, that deep inside something was missing… she could see the sadness in me. She told me that I was a very strong woman, but I was falling apart inside. I have been looking for what I am missing, and I have no clue of what it is…it’s driving me bananas. But I do feel that something is missing…that I have lost something and I need to find it.
Am I afraid of failure? afraid of not being in control? afraid of letting go of the control? Stressed out?
I have always tried to be happy, and live a happy life. But lately I have been feeling….I don’t know, I really can’t explain it. Or maybe I do know, and I am just afraid to say it to myself. I complicate my life so much sometimes lol..I am here typing this, and reading it back…and laughing at it…lol…I think I just need to talk things out, and not think about things too much..I think a lot, everyday my mind is thinking of all the things I have to do. I think my mind needs a break. I need to focus on what is important to me, what matters the most. My family of course, they are what keeps me going.
Breathe Oky…Breathe….I am not a little girl anymore, I can’t go running back to mommy and have her make things better. I am a Woman, a Mother, a Wife. I have to make it better. I can’t let anything bring me down, because I am what holds it together..but who holds me?……….. I think that is what I am missing.
My hubby holds me, he holds me a lot lol…but, I think I have to let him be more in control. I try to make things easy for him, specially when he gets home from work. But I think I have been making things way easy , way easy for him…I do too much, and that may be where my roller coaster of emotions comes from. I need to have a talk with him lol.
I am a in a roller coaster, being on a high and going straight down low….I need to get off this ride!
I always say, tomorrow is a new day. Think positive, and be strong! Eat a cookie!